theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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