what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
