I feel great
I just peed on a car
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
