I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
