I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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