I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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