i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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