I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
