I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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