evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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