As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
