Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
