I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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