Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
