i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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