so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
