we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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