Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
