The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize