Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
