But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
