Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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