The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
