from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
