Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
