he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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