Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
