She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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