Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
