No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
