I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize