Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
