I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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