if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
