Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Holy sore nipples Batman
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
