i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
