My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
