i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
