Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
