ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize