did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I AM VODKA MAN
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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