I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize