this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
