And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
