I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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