Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
