now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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