Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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