Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
