Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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