yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
