Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
