As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
