Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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