Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
