I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
