For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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