BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
