Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
