lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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