I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
