You're earring is so big in my mouth
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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