I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Plan B is the new Plan A
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
