I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
