Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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