broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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