I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
