She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize