Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
