Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
