i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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