so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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