no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
