Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
