I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
