I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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