If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
