Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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