he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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