can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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