I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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