I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how drunk are you?
Several
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
