She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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