friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize