is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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