I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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