Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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