For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
