I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
