People in love make me want to vomit
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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