I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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