we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Green mimosas i think yes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize