i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
