you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
