I met the friendliest cop last night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
