my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
