a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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