you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
