i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
