does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
